


Unspoken

by Astersia



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:25:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astersia/pseuds/Astersia
Summary: Usagi's inner thoughts about Seiya during different intervals. [Just a small thing I wrote forever ago.]





	Unspoken

_                        Don’t go!  _ Those had been the words she’d wanted to shout on the rooftop that day, but instead lips had parted to utter the opposite. She had bid him farewell with a smile and a display of obliviousness, but in that moment she had not been a fool. His words —  _ Odango, I’ll never forget you!  _ — their meaning had rung true in her heart like the sound of the noon-day clock that stood in the middle of the city. Words that had surely meant _ I love you _ . And yet she’d remained silent in an attempt to let him go, to combat her own confusing feelings as she unlocked her gaze from his, shifting to their focus to the man she was destined for.  Mamoru.

_                        This is what I wanted. _ Or so she told herself as they laid in bed, legs tangled upon the sheets of his bed. Two weeks had passed since Seiya’s departure and Usagi barely remembered anything that had transpired. Mamoru had decided to stay in Japan for a bit longer to spend time with her before he departed once more to America, to complete his studies abroad. Selfishness made her want to ask him to stay, but she bit these words back knowing he would only deny the request. Even if he had agreed, it would have been because she’d asked — not because it was what he wanted, which was a thought she could not bear. Ironic how she  _ now _ craved the attention the Starlight had bestowed upon her so willingly when previously she’d gone above and beyond to appear exasperated with his efforts. In the short amount of time they’d spent together, Usagi had grown accustomed to seeing him around. His smile, his mannerisms, his continuous teasing — dare say she missed him?

 

\---

 

_                        Seiya will come back to visit. _ She kept repeating in her head like a mantra to calm herself. Mamoru had left for America at least a month ago and yet she had been okay with it. She’d expected to cry and cling to him while begging that he stay a bit longer — and yet when the time had finally arrived she had wished him well with a hug and a wave. The others had noticed her seemingly strange behavior, but merely attributed it to the trauma she had experienced in the final battle. One could not be expected to walk away from such an ordeal unharmed physically and mentally. The days began to meld together, turning into weeks and then into month and every night she replayed the scene over and over in her head. What if I had asked him to stay? What if….

                           ❝  **Am I not good enough?** ❞

__ _ What if I had said yes? _

 

_ \--- _

 

                       Today was the day, Mamoru was returning from America now that his studies were completed and he’d achieved the master’s degree he wanted. Usagi had received a call early that morning morning informing her of his incoming flight.  _ I want to talk to you about something important,  _ he had told her _. _ She found herself anxious the entire day, hands constantly wringing together and tongue running over dry lips. What did he want to talk about? Usagi felt guilty, as if her selfish thoughts had been broadcast and laid bare for the world to see. But as he stepped off the plane and took her into his arms, she found herself speechless by the words he uttered:

                           ❝  **Marry me, Usako.** ❞ 

_ What if I had said no? _

                       His lips came down to mesh with hers and a roar of applause filled the air in response. She was passed back and forth between friends and family who patted her on the back, hugged her and touched her to show their happiness and support with her decision. To marry Mamoru. As she was shuffled around, Usagi kept looking over her shoulder as if she expected  _ him _ to show up. And what would she have said if he did? Would he have stood there with a bitter smile as he wished her well? Who was to even say that he still felt anything for her? It had been nearly three years now… Three years since they’d departed back to their planet and no one had heard from them since. Many a year had been wasted with her waiting for his return, planning what she’d say, what she’d do.  _ Destiny be damned _ , she had chanted in her mind back then — but now, here she stood.  **_Mrs._ ** **_Chiba_ ** **_._ **

 

**_\---_ **

 

The rest came naturally: the ascension to the throne, the birth of their daughter, Princess Small Lady Serenity as well as the creation of Crystal Tokyo. Her life became a whirlwind of expectations, necessary results and somehow she had managed to find a rhythm with it all. It would be incorrect and quite untrue to say she was unhappy — she wasn’t. Mamoru was a sound ruler, a considerate husband as well as lover, and her senshi had remained ever loyal throughout the years. There had been a few times when the Princess of Mars or the Princess of Venus would seemingly catch on to the slight downward pull of her lips and the glazed look in her eyes. She could feel them searching, trying to probe her thoughts to ensure everything was okay. It was then that Usagi realized she had to bury her secret longing if she wanted to avoid a possible confrontation.                

                       And so she locked away that forbidden piece of her heart — like a secret, a past memory that she could neither forget nor admit existed. It was inevitable that she would think of him from time to time, wonder about how he was doing or perhaps the state of his companions and their planet. Sometimes she'd ask her senshi about Kinmoku and the state of their affairs - an action that didn't draw any suspicion except from perhaps Venus. But then the self-proclaimed goddess of love had always suspected there was something more to the story between Usagi and Seiya — not that she'd dare to speak of it.

                       For the most part, Usagi was unconcerned about what others thought of her inquiries. It was in her right and responsibility to ask about other kingdoms within the galaxy, seeing as she was in the process of drafting a Galactic Peace Treaty that she'd soon be proposing. But aside from that, her thoughts of the person she'd known as Kou Seiya went no further than that, as if they had been locked away into a cupboard with a key. Like a song she'd forgotten the words to, but remember the melody.

_                            Goodbye. _

 


End file.
